Bears Cure Nagging LeFevour With Aging Wolverine

Dan LeFevour spots his replacement on the depth chart, since he could not find the open receiver.

The heart, or at least the aorta, of Central Michigan football for the last four years has so far not impressed the Chicago Bears, who at this point really just need to have a reality show to find a quarterback. Call it "The Next Sid Luckman." Starring: Jay "The Arm" Cutler. Dan "The Torso" LeFevour. Caleb "Parts Unknown" Hanie. And guest starring ... Todd "Pops" Collins.

Yes, sadly, the Bears signed a quarterback who once took over for Elvis freaking Grbac at the University of Michigan back during the Mesazoic Era. Collins has the crustiness to instantly become the No. 2 behind Cutler, with the veteran presence of mind to take over in Week 14, get sacked 17 times, and retire after the season. It sounds like they weren't ready for LeFevour to handle that so early in his career.

So hey, blessing in disguise, El Chippewa. In time your epic will unfold; you will be the guy Chicago sports radio clamors to start for the "washed-up" Cutler. Then you will start. And then you'll fail. Sure, you'll throw for some touchdowns and the running backs will average 2.4 yards per carry. But how will you explain the 5-11 record? And then they'll want the other backup to start. Collins on the depth chart just adds an unnecessary chapter, not unlike the works of Danielle Steel.

But first LeFevour's gotta start. Does he want to go down in history as a local guy who fulfilled his dream of being drafted by Da Bears, only to become Da Yesterday's News? Or would he like to dream the impossible dream: becoming the next failed Bears starting quarterback? Craig Krenzel anxiously awaits your answer.

Or maybe he can pull an Ed O'Bannon and pull a class-action lawsuit against the NCAA that he is being deprived his right to continue being good at college football. That way he can continue to lead the Chips to MAC West title after MAC West title.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Hustle Belt

You must be a member of Hustle Belt to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Hustle Belt. You should read them.

Join Hustle Belt

You must be a member of Hustle Belt to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Hustle Belt. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker