WHAT IT DO, MAC NATION?!
Despite going 7-5 and beating the league champions, Ya boy Coach Campbell doesn’t have a bowl game to prepare for. So in the meantime (besides slangin’ recruits), I came up with some bowl game predictions for the five teams in the conference who Commissioner John A. Hole – ERRRR, I mean John A. Steinbrecher – actually likes and decided to fight for.
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl – Dec. 21: Buffalo (8-4) vs San Diego State (7-5)
Hey, look at that! A 7-5 team in a bowl game, who knew?! Seriously though, Buffalo sucks. Like, really bad. They scored a total of zero points against my trash defense in the first half. You know that Khalil Mack guy who everyone thinks is so good? Did you see what my exquisite stable of running backs did to that overrated hack and his defense? I’ll refresh your memory: Kareem Hunt ran for 186 yards, Damion Jones-Moore ran for 53, my dude Ricky effin’ Pringles popped off for 51 yards and some kid named Marc Remy even ran for 31. I don’t even know who that is!
Prediction: The Aztecs roll, 51-14. 7-5 teams rule.
Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl – Dec. 23: Ohio (7-5) vs East Carolina (9-3)
Well, well, well, what do you know? Another 7-5 team from the MAC in a bowl game. That’s cute, especially considering Ohio quit caring about six weeks ago. The Boobcats lost their last three games of the year 123-16 (beating UMass doesn’t even count, let’s be real). Oh, and they lost to Bowling Green 49-0 in that stretch. You know, Bowling Green. The team who won the league. The team I beat. On the road. But who’s keeping track, right? The bottom line is this: I SHOULD BE COACHING IN THIS GAME, DAMMIT ALL! I almost forgot to mention that Commissioner Steinf***** is an OU grad. I’m sure that’s just a happy coincidence.
Prediction: The Boobcats may have been able to pay off the league to make this bowl game, but they won’t be able to pay off the non-MAC refs. All ECU in this one, 48-2.
Little Caesars Pizza Bowl – Dec. 26: Bowling Green (10-3) vs Pittsburgh (6-6)
Is this some sort of sick joke? A 6-6 team gets a bowl invite, but Big Papa Campbell is sitting at home? There are actually seven teams in bowl games at 6-6, but whatevs. This is a hard game to predict. Bowing Green lost to my squad, who wasn’t even good enough to make a bowl game, so BG must REALLY suck, right (I’m going to miss pounding on Coach Clawson every year)? But Pitt lost to Navy (who I beat by the way, just sayin’). Its biggest win is over Notre Dame, whose quarterback makes Brogan Roback look like Joe Montana.
Prediction: As much as it hurts to say this, I think BGSTD gets it done in one of the worst-played bowl games on the slate, 9-6.
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl – Dec. 26: Northern Illinois (12-1) vs Utah State (8-5)
Jordan Lynch is Jesus, the end. Ugh...
Prediction: NIU, 94-21.
Go Daddy Bowl – Jan. 5: Ball State (10-2) vs Arkansas State (7-5)
I love me some 7-5 bowl teams, but if Jordan Lynch is Jesus, then Keith Wenning is Moses, or at least John the Baptist. He threw for 335 yards on my sieve defense, so I expect he’ll do the same to the Red Wolves. By the way, what the hell is a Red Wolf? Like a communistic wolf? That’s dumb, that’s not even a real thing.
Prediction: Ball State wins big, 38-17.
Well, that does it for ya boy’s bowl predictions. Next year, you can find the Rockets in the Sugar Bowl, but not me. I’ll be recruiting and rebuilding the Huskers after my pal @FauxPelini gets canned.
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EDITORS NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of @NotMattCampbell, and do not reflect the views or opinions of Hustle Belt. Though @NotMattCampbell is awesome, he's not the real Matt Campbell, or affiliated with Toledo Football.