Who's going to be the next Bowling Green athletic director? Me.

Raj Mehta-USA TODAY Sports

BGSU needs, more than ever, a fearless leader who isn't afraid to ask the hard questions, such as: can we expand our curling program? And do we really need football?

So Greg Christopher left Bowling Green to be the athletic director at Xavier University. I think we're a little surprised, but that makes three vacant AD jobs in the MAC after they were hired away: Northern Illinois (sure) and Eastern Michigan (uh...) are the others.

We can reflect on his time operating BGSU athletics, and it sure looks like he made swell hires in football, women's basketball, volleyball and hockey. Of course, Xavier doesn't have two of those sports, which makes this a little weird. But nevertheless, the next thing on everyone's mind is who the next AD is going to be. Most likely it will be some up-and-coming senior AD at a big school, or perhaps an AD at a littler one.

Or it could be me.

Yes, consider this my application to be Bowling Green's next athletic director. Here's my plan for the program:

BASKETBALL. I let Louis Orr coach his final season and re-evaluate at the end of the year. It's the only fair thing to do. Plus, coach buyouts are a waste of money. There's no incentive to suck at your job to the point where you get paid not to work.

ATTENDANCE. It's no secret that, with perhaps the exception of women's basketball, attendance across the board is in the lower 50th percentile of the MAC. I don't know if there's a particular way around this; the city is one of the tiniest in the conference and is 30 minutes south of a city that has its own rival college. But read on, as I may have a solution.

CURLING. The previous athletic director guffed up big time by allowing renovations to the Ice Arena, turning four sheets of dedicated curling ice into three sheets of arena ice. They consider this an "upgrade," because now they can play hockey on it, but it's a serious downgrade for the club. Arena curlers dream of having their own ice that isn't hacked to bits by skates and Zambonis. We will be certain to return the curling back to its traditional four sheets. Curling desperately needs a mover and shaker to drive this sport beyond a fringe curiosity every four years during the Olympics. This is a fantastic sport that teaches sportsmanship, strategy and good fitness, which is the whole point of playing them.

THE LOGO. Look, the interlocking BG is ... well, they tried it. We'll return to our roots and restore the classic Falcon to all its glory. I mean, gaze at this magnificent glyph:

Bgsu_medium

CONCESSIONS. To keep with the BG theme, only things will be sold that have those letters in them in succession:

HAMBURGERS

BUFFALO WINGS

BAGELS

BAGUETTES

MEATBALL GRINDERS

FRIED BOLOGNA SANDWICHES

BUGLES

BREAD PUDDING

CADBURY CREME EGGS

BABA GANOUSH

FOOTBALL. It's time for something drastic.

Look, football is a very fun sport. But the dollars required to sink into a good football program is outrageous. Playing in bowl games is not profitable, and concussion issues continue to be a giant thorn in the sport's moral epicenter. I would explore ceasing operations for the football program so that the money could be funneled into the other varsity programs, which will in turn make them all stronger. Besides, there are several football teams in Ohio to watch, and most of the BGSU students are Ohio State fans anyway.

In return, BGSU will be able to return the teams they had to defund over the years: men's swimming, wrestling, tennis and both indoor and outdoor track and field. Perhaps they can also add field hockey and consider non-MAC sports such as men's volleyball, lacrosse, bowling, water polo and fencing. The proliferation of all sports is a good thing nowadays, rather than throwing all the funds into a singular sport that has a grim future.

I would suspect that this could improve attendance for the other sports. Doesn't it sometimes feel that after the long football season, you're a little burned out on college sports until March Madness?

Now, there's probably some snag that makes this impractical, not including how unpopular this decision would be among several football fans. Perhaps there is some legalese that requires full MAC members to fund a football program. And I'm not saying the program has to go, but we should merely explore the possibility.

MANAGERIAL EXPERIENCE. Well, I run a MAC sports blog. And I own some ties.

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