Bowling Green hosts Temple this weekend. How can they be assured they stop this three-game losing streak with a victory against the Owls and their dominant running attack?
1. Limit the yardage when Bernard Pierce runs.
2. Keep Bernard Pierce to minimal gains when he touches the ball.
3. Try to get to Bernard Pierce in the backfield.
4. Try to push the offensive line back so that Bernard Pierce cannot move through the line well.
5. Use diplomatic methods to convince Bernard Pierce that he shouldn't get so many yards.
6. Ask the offense to get at least 30 points, or failing that, ask if they know of any way to slow down Bernard Pierce.
7. Take Bernard Pierce to a pizza buffet the night before, hope for food poisioning.
8. Tackle Bernard Pierce low
8a. Preferably with multiple defenders
8b. Hopefully before the game begins
7c. in the parking lot.
9. Lie to Bernard Pierce about Bowling Green's run defense statistics
9a. Hope he gets bewildered by the numbers and stays home
9b. Or goes to a pizza buffet instead.
10. Tie Matt Brown's shoelaces together.
11. Tie Bernard Pierce's shoelaces to Matt Brown's shoes.
12. Try to strip the ball from Bernard Pierce's hands.
12a. I hear he's ticklish.
13. Have the BG punter kick away from Bernard Pierce, even if he's the sideline, where he'll probably be since he doesn't return kicks.
14. Send Bernard Pierce an envelope of money, stamp the envelope return address as a Temple booster; BCC the NCAA.
14a. And Yahoo! Sports.
15. In the event Bernard Pierce does get a first down, make sure it doesn't happen again.
16. In the event Bernard Pierce scores a touchdown, the silver lining is that BG will get the ball back. At that juncture, try to score a touchdown.
17. Win the opening kickoff, onside kick every time, recover the onside kick every time, ensure the Temple offense never gets on the field
17a. This will cause Bernard Pierce to get bored and head to a local pizza buffet.