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Hustle Bag: What Changes Would Be MAde If Hustle Belt Ruled the MAC?

It's time for the Hustle Bag again. This week we answer your questions about a duel between Zippy and Rufus, a possible Hustle Belt themed bowl, and what changes would be made if Hustle Belt ruled the MAC for a day.

By Bryan M. Vance
Better check your mailbox, it's time for the Hustle Bag.
Better check your mailbox, it's time for the Hustle Bag.
Flickr user Ken. Creative Commons.

It's Friday, and you know what that means: It's time for the Hustle Bag, where we take the time out of our busy days (not really) to answer your important (or just weird) questions as they relate to life, love and all things MACtion. LEt's dig our hands into the mailbag and see what comes up this week:

In case if you're wondering, this is in response to a promo tweet about the Hustle Bag, in which I proposed a hypothetical question about who would win a duel between Ohio's Rufus and Akron's Zippy. Since someone actually is interested in hearing my thoughts here it goes. Forewarning, yes I am an Ohio student, and yes, I once was kicked by a wild Kangaroo when I spent a brief time living in Australia. But neither will impact my completely scientific and fact driven analysis of this.

First let's get this clear: I don't condone mascot on mascot violence. However, if Zippy the adorable kangaroo, and Rufus, the rough and tumble bobcat were to square off in one, I think it would be a clear cut victory for Ohio. Here's why. 1-Kangaroo's arms are insanely short, and therefore would make it next to impossible to raise the gun to the proper level. 2-Rufus is a bada**. Seriously. He rides a motorcycle and once attacked Brutus the Buckeye in his own house. Based off of that I'd have to say that Rufus has the guts and the tenacity to go through with this. Plus he's clearly not above playing dirty, and would probably rig Zippy's pea shooter to misfire.

Now, if this were a kickboxing match, Rufus wouldn't have a shot.

Interesting question. Colin Reardon has been a pleasant surprise for most Golden Flashes' fans I'm sure. The redshirt freshman has turned out an impressive debut season so far, despite his team struggling for the most part. He's a decent dual-threat option, but has actually been a rather good passer to this point. Sure he's thrown a pick in four straight games, but his 10-to-4 touchdown to interception ratio is better than Kyle Pohl, Terrance Owens and Tyler Tettleton to this point.

He's hard to compare to anyone, simply because I've only seen him play a few times. But I'd say he's a good comparison to 2011 Tettleton. A guy with decent legs, who can throw and make good decisions. Right now I'd say his ceiling is rather high. He clearly has physical skills, and is much more advanced in his decision making process than fellow redshirt freshman starter Cooper Rush. I mean the kid threw for just under 200 yards while completing nearly 70 percent of his passes against LSU. LSU! Get him some weapons and he could be a very dangerous QB in a year or two.

You know, with how many new bowls there are these days, this isn't too far fetched of an idea. I think we should right our local MAC representative, one Jeremy Guy, and see if we can some how make this happen.

Naturally this game has to happen somewhere in the midwest...so why not put this in InfoCision Stadium so for once in its life span it can actually have a crowd inside of it. It'd have to be played on a Wednesday night, on ESPN2, something before Christmas.

As for tie-ins, why not buck the trend and go for something different. Take the MAC team whose coach just left for a BCS school, and pit them against a C-USA team that's actually located in the continental United States (this severely limits our options). Let them play it out for an empty gold-plated Big Mac Box, and instead of normal football rules, we'd play MAC style: First to 70 points wins.

I give you The Hustle Bowl, brought to you by Big Louie's Belt Emporium.

First, let me say never in my life would I ever actually want to be a commissioner of anything. It's a tankless job that makes you eventually resemble Jose Conseco's rendition of Bud Selig. But, since this would be for one day only, here it goes.

My first action as MAC Commissioner would be to ban weekend football games. All MAC Football games shall be played from Tuesday through Thursday each week. Think of it as implementing a three-day work week, with a four day weekend.

Second, I'd light the contract for this horrendous deal with Time Warner SportsChannel on fire. Then I'd have them print another copy, and burn it again, this time streamed live on ESPN3 because that's how it should be. I'd also implement a new rulebook for MAC Football. Defense is strictly prohibited (sorry Bowling Green). Team's line up offense vs. offense, and the first to score 70 wins. No quarters. No half time, just pure unadulterated MACtion. It'd be like Arena Football, only not awful.

I'd ban the wearing of any non-MAC school team apparel on our member campuses. Those caught wearing B1G team apparel shall be issued a $1,000 fine. All the money would go towards buying a clown for Ron English because that man needs a smile, especially after I boot the Eagles (and UMass) from the MAC. Replacing the Eagles and Minutemen by adding Youngstown State, Marshall, Western Kentucky and Memphis as full members, thus creating the greatest non-power conference ever to exist.

I'd let Akron's basketball team put player's Twitter handles on their jerseys, and pay any NCAA fines resulting from it, just to see @Tall_ass_tree on the back of Demetrius Treadwell's jersey. I'd create a yearly MAC-Mountain West Basketball Classic, similar to a less arrogant B1G-ACC challenge.

Jeremy Guy's official title would be changed to Czar of #MACtion. The hashtag is required.

Finally I'd make all MAC members institute curling programs in honor of Hustle Belt's former leader Matt Sussman. What sport screams MAC more than curling?

That's it for the Hustle Bag this week. Remember to send in your questions throughout the week by tweeting them using the hashtag #HustleBag for a chance to have them answered next week.

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