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The B1G-MAC Swap: Brady Hoke Is Back (AGAIN!)

Welcome back to the MAC, Michigan.

Hello to you too, Brady.
Hello to you too, Brady.
Mike Carter-USA TODAY Sports

Bryan: Jesse, welcome back to the B1G-MAC Swap. I'm still waiting for us to get our own weekly hour-long drama reality show on A&E, but in the meantime, we'll stick with this whole blogging thing.

One thing to get out of the way before we dive all in: MACTION MAKES NO DAMN SENSE AND I HOPE TO ALL THAT IS HOLY THAT IT STAYS THIS WAY FOREVER! That's the perfect way for me to sum up another week of MACtion. Especially one that saw UMass push Toledo to its limits.

How are things in B1G land? Urban Meyer still a jerk?

Jesse: I mean, yes, but that's not even the best part of the weekend. If it was possible, I would totally relegate the B1G officiating crews that made Urban seem like an innocent in a sea of ineptitude. Ohio State survived something like, three legitimately awful calls and there were two legit press releases on those calls today. I used to believe that the Pac 12 was where all the bad refs went, but apparently middle America is starting to attract the awful.

Oh, and Illinois officially has a nice thing, which is uh, weird. We still haven't heard from all our Minnesota friends. We hope they're alright. I'm just going to assume that #AllTheBourbon was consumed.

Bryan: Fun fact! The MAC refs are actually the B1G's B-team, so if you ever want to see some truly awful officiating - I'm talking the type of officiating that will literally make you drink yourself into a crying stupor - tune in next week for the mid-week #MACtion.

Anyway, let's get down to some business. Illinois is weirding me out. My father is a die-hard Illini fan, and I've usually been able to take solace in knowing that though his team hired away my basketball coach, that my football team, as bad as it is, could whoop his. But not now. So PLEASE knock their blooming egos down a few pegs and send them to the land of ESPNews on a Tuesday night. PLEASE!

Jesse: I actually don't think that Illinois will win another Big Ten game this season, but I didn't expect them to win last weekend, so what do I know? In other news, it's beginning to look like Beckman might be staying a little longer than expected. If your dad is a die-hard Illinois fan, you can always lord that over him.

But yes, Illinois is exempt from relegation this week after what happened last weekend and while I would love to send down the Gophers, that's just not really fair. No, we're going to give you what is literally the worst offensive team in the Big Ten, and quite possibly one of the worst in the entire nation. A team who drove a spike in the field. A team who is probably being coached by a lame duck. Your one and only, Michigan Wolverines.

Bryan: I thought #MACtion tickets were cheap before, but Michigan's Diet Coke for soul-crushing football program is the best deal on this planet. Tell me more about the Floundering Hokes. What makes them worthy of Tuesday night football?

Jesse: Well, they deserve Tuesday night football because maybe people won't be able to openly mock them being buried on a weird night? Honestly, when I say this is a horrible offense, the numbers only begin to tell the story. Nonetheless, let's look at those numbers:

  • Last in the B1G in overall YPG

  • 11th in the B1G in yards per play

  • Barely any semblance of an offensive line resulting in 18 sacks allowed

Oh, and let's just be honest, scoring 11 was probably a gift by MSU considering how bad that offense looked on Saturday. It was literally the first TD they have scored on their "little brother" in three games. Way bad. To add to the misery, they are now 3-5, have one conference win, and it's not like anyone has any confidence in that getting a lot better. It's so bad that MGoBlog is following FlightAware. This is a bad team with an agitated fanbase. So... have fun with that?

Bryan: Agitated fan bases sound fun. And, half of the MAC student body is actually Michigan fans, so they'll feel right at home.

More B1G-MAC Swaps!

But man, how bad of a coach is Brady Hoke? I know he's a MAC guy and all, but good lord. He's a total tool. A man who puts players in harms way from pure ignorance.

I know for as bad as Michigan is at actually playing football, talent wise, it'd be hands-down the best in the MAC. But talent only gets you so far over here in the underworld of college football. For you see, winter is coming Jesse. Strange things happen. ... I don't know. This is the worst Game of Thrones metaphor ever. Only fitting it was used in connection with the worst Michigan team ever. I say this squad, in its current total-meltdown mode, would probably struggle with EMU. I stand by that message.

Jesse: I don't actually doubt it. When Michigan beat Penn State, I thought to myself, "Oh, maybe they're not the absolute worst." I'm not so sure that game was so much of a confirmation of Michigan's relative meh levels or an indictment on Penn State's absolute tire fire of an offense. Either way, this is a bad team, and if we're sticking with metaphors, Michigan is a captured Ned Stark waiting for bad things to happen. Last weekend was more or less the petulant child chopping his head off.

In all honesty, I'm guessing Michigan wins something like five games total with a MAC schedule. Some weird mix of wins between non-con and conference. Seems about right, huh? This is a really obnoxious team.

Bryan. Obnoxious. Bad. Probably would lose to an FCS squad. This all sounds like a 5-7 MAC team to me.

Oh, and a special announcement: Next week's B1G-MAC swap will be cumilative swap. So unlike these ones we've been doing where we react to the previous week, we're going to look at who's been where before, and do a more realistic relegation/promotion swap before midweek MACtion begins. Enjoy your Saturday football, Jesse.

Jesse: You too. Enjoy that short slate of games. You'll be watching football all week in no time.

Bryan: Just how the lunatics in Cleveland intended it to be.

To find out which MAC team made the leap to this B1G this week (and trust me, it's not who you're thinking of), head on over to Off Tackle Empire.