We've hit the long and arduous college football offseason, and let's face it. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's time to pop on your DVR's, find your favorite comfy chair, and load up on a good boozy drink.
Lucky for you, we compiled a list of the drink that most represents the spirit of your favorite MAC school. (See what I did there?)
Without further ado, here we go:
Akron: Sweet Tea Moonshine
It's brownish gold, sort of like a kangaroo, and an ode to one of the greatest gifts the Deep South has ever given us: Terry Bowden. What two things represent the South better than a delicious glass of sweet tea and some good ol' high quality moonshine? Not very many things, that's what.
Ball State: Newcastle Beer
Muncie is famous for its mason jars, and if there's anything that's a given in Midwest drinking culture, it's that you've gotta get drunk out of one at least once in your life. Might as well do it with NEUcastle Beer to celebrate the NEU Era at Ball State. See if Mike Neu will drink one with you. I mean, there's a history of BSU coaches and alcoholic beverages in the past.
BGSU: Red Bull and Vodka
Because sometimes when you party, you just gotta go fast. Like the Falcons offense last season. The perfect drink to get you buzzed up and ready to scream until you see colors.
Buffalo: Brandy Manhattan
Cocktails are notorious for having multiple nicknames for the same recipes depending on region, much like the University at Buffalo, or Buffalo, or the State University of New York at Buffalo or SUNY-Buffalo... you get what I mean. The brandy Manhattan is the choice of cocktail, as UB once had New York dreams. RIP "New York" uniforms.
CMU: Slow Gin
There's something about the Chippewa football team that is enchanting every single year. There's the slow start, the near upset or close upset win over a P5 squad, and then they catch fire. Much like slow gin. It starts off slow at first, and you might not even notice the effect. Get up, though, and suddenly, you're floored.
EMU: green absinthe
Absinthe is famous for its hallucinogenic qualities. Which is something you'll need if you want to imbibe in order to imagine that Eastern football is good.
Kent State: Everclear
Everclear is what you want to drink when you want to forget what you're about to do, making it the perfect drink for Kent State tailgating parties! If you watched Kent State football last season, you'll understand what I mean.
Miami: Bloody Mary
The Bloody Mary is a very hard drink to master. There are a variety of bitters involved, and many different regional dialects. The mix of spirits and tomato juice is also key: get the combination right, and it's fantastic. Get it wrong... and you get it very very wrong. Much like the Miami football program. Also, they're both red.
Budweiser is The King Of Beers, especially if you're a macrobrew fan. The Bud brand has been associated with winners and literally everything #SPORTS since you could remember. NIU has been the king of the MAC West for six straight years, and a frontrunner in the MAC over the last decade. It's champagne on a college kid budget.
Frank "The Tank" Solich probably has a shot of Jaeger every morning, noon, and night to keep functioning. It's his secret sauce to success. Hard, bitter, and definitely an acquired taste with great potential. Have enough of it, and it could very well be your favorite go-to soon eventually.
Toledo: Irish Carbomb
See, the Irish Carbomb is a favorite cocktail if you want to get drunk in a fun and creative way, much like how Toledo football finds fun and creative ways to almost be the best team in the MAC year after year. It's fantastic at first impact, but once enough time elapses and it starts curdling at the end, it's all over.
WMU: Short's #Hashtag Sportz Pale Ale
The western side of the lower peninsula of Michigan is a craft beer heaven. Grand Rapids, which is near Kalamazoo, is Beer City, USA., and Founder's and Short's Breweries, two of the nation's biggest craft brewery brands, are in the area. Short's offers a light-bodied ale resplendent with electrolytes for rehydration. Not kidding, you can actually find it in stores. Come to think of it, it could very well explain PJ Fleck's hi-jinks.