New premium seating options for EMU to leave empty

My grandpa always told me to know your limitations. Or maybe that was Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry, I don’t know. But the moral of the story is that people have to know where that line is between what they are and what they aren’t. That’s applicable, especially now, since the Eastern Michigan Eagles have announced they have a new premium seating option for EMU fans this fall. This should be good.

You can click above for the sales pitch and the brand message (See, they say it’s a new “landing spot” because they have an aviary type mascot), but let’s hit the high points. For the low price of $1600 (yes, $1600), you and three of your friends get:

• 50 yard line 4-person tables under the pressbox with mesh seats that swivel
• Premium Parking
• Food and beverage in the Eagles Pride Suite

The food and beverage is complimentary though they make no mention of unlimited, and given my Whitlockian appreciation for the finer cuisine of Mid-America, that’s a pretty big distinction.

If, like me, you are not a college ticketing expert, you may think that this is a great option for EMU. I mean, they must be selling out games left and right and this is a great way to raise money for the school. Or perhaps there is no other package deal available so this is something for the fans to purchase to feel a part of the program in package format. Swing and a miss on both.

EMU is without question the worst attended games in the FBS by a wide-margin. Their average last year? 4,897. Their entire attendance for the year was 29,381. For comparison, those figures are right in line with Division III McDaniel. I don’t know where that school is located, but I’m going to bet they don’t have $1600 tables with mesh chairs to peddle.

Perhaps there are no other package deals, you say. I SAY YOU ARE INCORRECT. EMU apparently has another package for $99 that gets you chairback seating on the same 50-yard line, a food voucher, parking, and a discount card to local businesses! You mean I could get some back support and maybe a free Blizzard?! SIGN ME UP! Mesh chairs are the worst.

I’ve always been a big fan of schools in the MAC doing things either different or weird to attract eyeballs to the screens and bottoms to the seats. But high dollar premium seating just doesn’t seem to be something that has legs in this conference. Remember the awesome cabanas at Ball State?

Despite that awesome sales job, it was a tepid response. Do something weird like halftime games. Do something weird like free hot dogs. Do something weird like a Rick Astley concert. Want to go really crazy? Hire Lane Kiffen. But don’t offer up a product that no one wants that won’t sell that just adds to the EMU legacy. Can’t we leave it at an unfilled stadium and a concrete wall that just won’t fall?

So, verdict from the Belt: Go to your room, EMU, and think about what you’ve done.