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What would happen if the MAC mascots ever fought?

While Mike Leach speculates about a PAC-12 mascot fight, we let a MACscot fight play out.

Just look at those crazy eyes, the Bobcat has seen things.
Kenneth Bailey
After his stint in rehab, the Bronco has been a little more ornery than usual.
Kenneth Bailey

As always, our fight starts somewhere. It starts in a horse enclosure where Old Buster, the Broncos’ mercurial mascot is living. He’s been a little more ornery than usual after shaking his coke habit, but he’s trying his best. Victor E. Bull, who one day has has had quite enough of Buster’s attitude, finally breaks since he hasn’t been able to catch a wink due to Buster’s incessant music playing. He breaks down the fence and the two of them go at it. After a brutal fight, Buster manages to corner Victor and get his horns stuck in the wall, emerging victorious.

Zippy the Roo, out on a midnight constitutional, wanders by to investigate the commotion. She sees the broken fence and the battered bull on the ground of the enclosure, and the enraged horse walking away in triumph, adrenaline flooding through his body. Already upset, and still quite feeling himself, Buster gets the jump (get it?) on the kangaroo. Zippy, thanks to her instinct and steady strength, is able to withstand the intial blows and overpowers the Bronco with her powerful legs.

James H. Jimenez

Charlie Cardinal is circling overhead. He never was good friends with Zippy, and figures to scare her away. He swoops down and tries to pluck her eyes out. Zippy hops off, flaining her arms in defense and getting as far away as possible. As the Cardinal is about to fly off, Mission, a good boy who hates seeing the innocent attacked, jumps up into the air and takes Charlie Cardinal down. As they fight near the cornfield, the RedHawk sees his fellow redbird getting ambushed and swoops in to fend off the Huskie. Outnumbered and in a bad position, the Huskie limps off.

He may not win, but he is certainly the creepiest looking MAC Mascot.
Kenneth Bailey

A Golden Flash sees the carnage but since we have no idea what a Golden Flash is, it disappears. It might be for the better, as the Golden Flash is a sleeping giant who one day could destroy them all. Freddie and Freida Falcon, that territorial couple, see the RedHawk in their airspace and double-team the RedHawk into submission.

Somehow Swoop Makes the Silliness too
Kenneth Bailey

Swoop the Eagle is a bit late to the action, but surprises Freddie and Freida, and makes the two go home with a swift aerial ace attack, dizzying the two and sending them drifing away. Rufus The Bobcat sees this stunning aerial display and feels he can rise to the challenge— literally, as he jumps a mound of dirt on his patented motorcylcle and punches Swoop in the beak to knock him out of the air.

But this fight is about over.

Rocky and Rocksy, the power couple of the MAC, have thought well ahead of all of their terrestrial foes, and as they launch off into space and break the atmosphere, lighting up the night with a variey of explosions, effectively ending the fracas, as Rufus and the rest of the mascots in range have to flee for their cheerleading lives.

Our Winner!