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Ranking The Names on Eastern Michigan's Roster

With Lion King Conway blowing up the internet, we were wondering how other names on Eastern Michigan's roster can even compare. Since we're a bunch of goofball bloggers covering one of the biggest days of the year in college football, we decided "hey, let's make a power ranking!"

10. Willie Creear

I've always thought it was a cool name. Pronounced "Kree-Air". Nothing silly here, but the three consecutive vowels always score some bonus points.

9. Anthony Zapone

Zapone. Za-poooooone. Rolls off the tongue nicely. Zapooooooo-

8. Ka'John Armstrong

Willie and Anthony are okay for first names. But Ka'John. You don't see that every day. Plus, this kid is lineman, which means you've gotta have some big 'ole arms. Armstrong. Get it?

7. Chance Monarch

6. Ike Spearman

You don't mess with linebackers with a last name that makes you think of the WWE. I wouldn't want to go toe-to-toe with Chris Jericho, let alone somebody named after Kyle Broflovski's kid brother.

5. Great Ibe


(don't feel his wrath. Just slow down and say "eBay" and you'll be fine)

4. Shaq Vann

He's entitled to pick up random people and hold them over his head while somebody takes a picture for Reddit, right?

3. Oliver Kathalay

Say that 10 times fast.

2. Kenyarda Bates

When the first name is more difficult than the last, you're getting into some nasty territory. I don't even have a silly joke, Kenyarda is just a really awesome first name.

1. Lion King Conway

He has to live with this for the rest of his life. He's been surrounded by 90s kids since, well, his childhood. At what point do you go to the courts and change your first name to "Rodney" or something?

Hakuna Matata.