The Toledo-Eastern Michigan Third Quarter: A Descent Into Hysteria

52-47 is a high-scoring game. It's not a record-setting one (especially given Toledo's recent history) and definitely one that could be swept under the rug of exciting games.

But I'll contend that the third quarter of this game was the most intense, unnerving, and incredible — some of you may call it the #MACtionest — display of offense I've ever seen. You'll see what I mean in a minute.

15:00 — TOLEDO 21, EASTERN MICHIGAN 10. It's quite astonishing that the quarter's first drive ended on a punt - an inconspicuous result to the impending wackiness. Toledo moved the ball but stalled on a 4th and 12.

11:53 — This is where Bronson Hill began his work. Following a 30-yard pass to Garret Hoskins, Hill ran 47 yards on this:

Status: Intrigued, since perhaps EMU can make this a close game.

10:06 — TOLEDO 21, EASTERN MICHIGAN 17. The Kody Fulkerson kickoff finds the hands of Bernard Reedy, and then— and then—

Status: Pleasantly surprised that it took just one play for Toledo to right the ship.

9:57 — TOLEDO 28, EASTERN MICHIGAN 17. Back to work for Hill. He ran all three plays of this drive. Here's the third:

Status: Mesmerized. Nice couple back and forth touchdowns there. Starting to suspect something is wrong, but maybe it's just me.

8:59 — TOLEDO 28, EASTERN MICHIGAN 24. The first play of the drive. You think to yourself, wouldn't it be hilarious if someone just—

Status: Dazed. Can't look away. Short slightness of breath, a bit dizzy.

8:40 — TOLEDO 35, EASTERN MICHIGAN 24. Rations are running low. Running backs are becoming fatigued. Coaches are throwing headsets. Storm clouds are rolling in. Should I have studied harder in school? Is it too late to go back to grad schoo—

Status: [twitch] Oh, and they missed the PAT, which is a side effect of inoperable defense.

8:27 — TOLEDO 35, EASTERN MICHIGAN 30. At this point they're doing this on purpose. All the voices around me agree with that theory. I am not alone in this room. YOU ARE ALONE IN THIS ROOM. YOU ARE ALONE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS AND INVADING MINE. Sorry, I apologize. That was uncalled for. It's just, so many touchdowns in one quarter. That can get to anyo—

Status: this couch is making some highly offensive insults toward left-handed people and I will not stand for it.

6:51 — TOLEDO 42, EASTERN MICHIGAN 30. There comes a point in every football game where you reach a "point of no return." We just sprinted right past that. The quarter may last forever. I don't even think the clock is working. Can someone check on the clock? I think it's the uniforms. Toledo looks like Lego figurines and EMU look like a more depressing version of the Seattle Seahawks, or seals. They look like seals. It would explain the defens—

(This was another Russell, Tyreese Russell, catching a pass from Tyler Benz for 41 yards, the shortest of the touchdowns. But the clip is not available, although the video works just as easily.)

Status: Waking up in a pool of blood, not knowing if it's your own.

3:25 — TOLEDO 42, EASTERN MICHIGAN 37. A reality without boundaries, ethics, or linebackers. There's no good or bad. There just is. We exist next to each other, longing for a conclusion that will never arrive; or if it does, we shall not recognize it. Until then, the touchdowns will continue, relentless, effortless, emotionless. Forget it, Jake. It's Rynearson Stadium.

Status: Ragnarök.

1:29 — TOLEDO 49, EASTERN MICHIGAN 37. YOU KNOW, AT SOME POINT SOMEBODY IS GOING TO NEED TO PUT A STOP TO THIS. THE NATIONAL GUARD SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE BY NOW. WHAT IN THE ETERNAL NAME OF JEFF GENYK IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR SOMEBODY TO COVER THEIR MAN AND WRAP HIM UP? I WATCHED TWO MAC GAMES LAST YEAR WHERE TEAMS SCORED AT LEAST 60 POINTS AND STILL LOST, AND AT THIS RATE THERE'S GONNA BE A HUNNERT FOR EACH TEAM ON THE SCOREBOARD, THEN WHAT ARE WE GONNA—

[clock expires]

[body returns to normal temperature]

Well. That was weird. Anyone else taste blood?